Ashes To Dust
by EveryHeartHasItsThorns
Summary: The death of her mother left Bella devastated. Along with a new town, new people and a suffocating depression, it seems there is no more point to life than there is to algebra. That is, until Edward. AH, AU. M for dark themes.
1. Chapter One, The Dawn

**Alright everyone, here's the first chapter! Just a fair warning, this story is rated M for dark themes. There are no lemons (I can hear all the pervs going "Awww, dang!"), but there is self-harm and attempted suicide, so be warned. This story is an angst romance, so if you don't like angst, you should leave. Like now.**

**And finally, just so you all know, I'm Canadian, so I have slightly different spelling than Americans. Canadian spelling puts u's where some American words don't have them, and s's where Americans have z's and little nuisances like that.**

**This chapter is short, but I decided that I was tired of long chapters because they make me draw things out too long and take forever to tell a story, and they take forever to write, so I thought I'd change it up.**

**Sorry for ranting, I'll let you get on with the story now. I hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer for the whole story: I do not own Stephenie Meyer, Stephenie Meyer's weird sparkly vampires, Stephenie Meyer's weird glowy-eyed alien creatures (I wish), Stephenie Meyer's adorable humans (I WANT TO MARRY IAN! But this is the wrong book…also, Jared is excluded from the 'adorable' category because he is a mean douchebag and I greatly, intensely dislike him.), Stephenie Meyer's attractive werewolves (I'm Team Jacob…you know, before the whole Breaking Dawn incident where he completely loses his mind), Stephenie Meyer's weird obsession with phases of the moon and times of the day, Stephenie Meyer's Mormonness (I'm a Protestant, so…definitely not), Stephenie Meyer's children, Stephenie Meyer's husband, Stephenie Meyer's money (if only…), Stephenie Meyer's hairdresser, Stephenie Meyer's obsession with American deserts (did anyone else notice that in Twilight, Bella used to live in Phoenix, and The Host takes place in the desert?), Stephenie Meyer's weird mutant hybrid child that is totally creepy and not cute in any way and shouldn't exist (I'm nauseated just thinking about it, ew), and Stephenie Meyer's toothbrush (if she uses one). So, basically, I don't own Twilight or anything remotely affiliated with the series.**

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"Hurry up, Bells," Charlie bellowed from the front hall. "You're going to be late for school!"

Another new day, another pointless collection of hours waiting until we die.

Cynical? Well, that's me. Maybe you know me the way everyone else does: "Look, it's the emo girl!" "Look out for gothzilla!" Or, my personal favourite, "Ahh! A vampire!"

You get used to it after a while. I've become so accustomed to comments like these that I've learned to deflect them. They don't mean anything as long as I don't let them.

Of course, that was at my old school, where I've known most of those kids since we were in diapers and had an equal amount of insults I could throw back at them if need be. But here in Forks, everything was new. And, though it may be a tad hypocritical, I _hate_ change.

"Relax, Dad, I'm on my way," I called down to him, then shoved my iPod into my black messenger bag - adorned with skulls, of course - and made my way down the stairs.

To say Charlie didn't like this darker side of me is like saying the sky isn't blue on ordinary days, or that it never rains in Forks. Some things are just inevitable.

I wasn't always like this, of course. I used to be one of the peppy girly-girls who just wanted to make the cheer squad and had to have the most expensive article of clothing in every store. I grew up around princesses and divas, and I became one.

But when your mom dies, it tends to put a damper on your mood.

-x

The drive over to Forks High - home of the Spartans! - was mostly silent. Charlie didn't know what to say to his once-sweet daughter who was now the poster child for Hot Topic, and I couldn't blame him. It must be hard to lose your wife, and then every semblance of normality within your household as your daughter drastically changes to become her own polar opposite. I wish I could hold myself up, still be that person, so that my father had at least one unchanging thing to hold onto. But unfortunately, I'm not quite that strong.

Just then, Charlie decided to break my streak of inner musings. "So," he said, "excited for your first day?"

"Ecstatic," I said blandly, giving him a sarcastic twirl of my finger.

He sighed. "Look, Bells, I know it must be hard with the move and everything. I never wanted to do this to you. But, to be honest, it wasn't very healthy for me to be in that house anymore, and I don't think it was best for you either."

I felt bad then. It wasn't Charlie's fault that my mother had died. The grief became so great for him that he couldn't even bear to be in our house, where all our old memories seemed to whisper from every corner. To be honest, I had a hard time sleeping at night, remembering how my mom used to come in when I was little and sit in the rocking chair in the corner of my room and sing me to sleep. That chair always seemed mockingly empty, and the shadow of what it used to be haunted my dreams.

"I suppose it wasn't," I murmured. "I'm sorry for being so difficult, Dad. It's just weird, living in a new town and going to a new school all of a sudden. It'll take some time to adjust."

"Of course," he said.

Just then we pulled into the school parking lot. Forks looked about as bland as any other high school built in the middle of the twentieth century. It was uncharacteristically brown, and almost depressingly…_normal._

The most normal of all were the students. There didn't seem to be a single clique or stereotype among them. They were all nondescript, in popular name-brand clothing, and disgustingly ordinary.

My father parked in front of one of the buildings.

I turned to face him. "I can't do it," I said. "They're all so preppy! I get a little nauseous just looking at them!"

Charlie raised an eyebrow, and the expression on his face was the one he usually wore when he was about to scold me. You know, the one that brings the words "oh shit" to mind.

"Isabella," he said mildly, "you can't judge people before even knowing them. Imagine if these kids judged _you_ just by looking at you, and decided they didn't want to talk to you or get to know you because you're not like them?"

"But Dad," I whined, "that's probably _exactly_ what they're going to do! Why can't I just…you know, return the favour?"

He shook his head at me. "Get out of this car, Bella, before I have to throw you out myself."

I sighed, and rolled my eyes to the heavens in a silent prayer. _God, if you exist, please don't let me become shark bait on my first day._

-x

It took me ten minutes to find the main office, so already I was late. When I walked in, the receptionist was on the phone, but she gestured toward the four chairs lined up against the wall across from her desk, so I took a seat.

A couple of chairs over was another girl. She was short, with wild brown curly hair, and moderately pretty. She glanced at me over her magazine with mild interest.

"I'm Jessica," she whispered, for the sake of the receptionist on the phone. "Are you new?"

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. _No, I'm not new. You just happened to overlook me in a school that only has a few hundred people._ But, since I was trying not to get shot on my first day (you never know who's packing these days, and I don't know what northwest kids are like), I thought I'd try a more polite approach.

"Umm, yeah, it's my first day," I said timidly, then almost whacked myself over the head. _Yeah, great job at _not_ sounding like a complete idiot._ "My name's Bella."

Her eyes widened, and I could see she was excited. "As in Isabella Swan?"

I doubted there were many Isabellas at this school, but I humoured her. "Yep, that's me."

"I heard all about you!" she exclaimed. "You're big news. You and your dad moved from Phoenix, or so I hear, and your dad was transferred to the Forks police force. He's the new chief, right?"

"Wow, I guess you can't really keep much secret in Forks," I said with a nervous laugh. I must be the only person in the entire town who thought it was a bit creepy that everyone knew everything about each other.

She laughed. "Not much, no. So, do you have anyone to sit with at lunch? Because you could totally sit with me and my friends. Unless you prefer to sit alone. That's cool too."

She said this all so fast I couldn't understand her until a few seconds after she stopped talking. Why didn't anyone notify me that the first person I would befriend at my new school would be a motor mouth? Granted, most of the girls I hung out with at my old school could put an auctioneer out of business, but still."That's really nice, I'd love to sit with you." I knew I'd regret it the second the words were out of my mouth, but I didn't really care. I knew Charlie was right, and I shouldn't judge these people before I got to know them, so I figured I'd give having a few normal friends a try. After all, if I had a group of people to hang out with, "loner" couldn't be added to my resume of labels.

The receptionist finally got off the phone. "Jessica, I can sign those forms now," she called.

Jessica got up. "I'll meet you in the cafeteria," she said as she passed me.

Once Jessica was done, the receptionist turned to me. "What can I do for you, honey?"

I didn't know how I felt about a complete stranger calling me "honey", but I rolled with it anyway. "I'm Isabella Swan. I'm new."

"Oh!" She pushed herself in her chair to the other side of the desk, and opened a drawer. She pulled out some papers. "Alright, dear, here's your class schedule, a map, and a paper that I need you to get signed by each of your teachers. Oh, would you like me to give you a late slip so that it doesn't go on attendance that you were late or skipping?"

I felt myself smile in relief. Woah, _smiling_? I needed to get a grip. "That would be great, thanks."

Okay, this school didn't suck _that_ much.

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**So, what did you think? Good or bad? Please review, they motivate me to write more, and let me know if what I'm writing is actually good or if I should give up on life and go die somewhere. So, any questions or comments, feel free to review or PM me or anything you want.**

**Love and hugs,**

**Alexa :3**


	2. Chapter Two, The Dull Edge of the Knife

**Alright, here's chapter two! Everything's going a bit slow, I know, but we're still in the 'introduction' stage where I have to set the characters and the plot and all that and everything is just a bad rip-off of Twilight. Actually, this isn't that bad. B****ut ANYway…**

**Alright, I hope you enjoy the chapter!**

**A note for future reference: I know that in the Canadian spelling, "realize" is spelled with an 's', but I refer it with a 'z'. So if there are any overly-anal people out there who want to point out to me that I spelled it wrong if I'm going by Canadian spelling, I really just don't care.**

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School passed by in a haze. But these days, it was hard for me to find interest in much of anything.

I had English first period, and I had to apologize profusely to the teacher and explain that I got lost, which wasn't embarrassing _at all_. The teacher then proceeded to give me a "you're seventeen, you should be able to ask for directions by now" speech, and I decided that I don't like him very much. Apparently he didn't know that when you get to school right as the bell rings, people tend to disappear into class pretty quickly and there's nobody left to ask directions from.

English passed quickly; I wish I could say the same about Trigonometry. My teacher made me get up in front of the class and introduce myself, telling everyone where I was from and three interesting things about me. I decided to go with these: my middle name is Marie, I hate the colour pink, and the employees at the Hot Topic in Phoenix know me by name. Two out of those three things were probably pretty easy to guess.

As dull as math is, Government, if you can imagine, is even duller. Once again I had to introduce myself - thankfully this time without having fun fact time - and sit through a pointless class about things that I had already learned in my AP classes at home. Hurrah.

Finally, after what felt like a decade, it was time for lunch. I dropped my books off in my locker, grabbed my iPod, and headed for the cafeteria.

I had barely even made it through the doors when Jessica ambushed me. "Hi Bella!" she exclaimed, then without hesitation grabbed me by the arm and dragged me to her table.

"Guys, this is Bella," she said, gesturing grandly toward me. "Bella, this is Mike, Lauren, Eric, Tyler, Angela and Ben."

I tried to keep up with her motor mouth and wild gesturing. I really did. But man, that girl can talk and point _fast_. We could make an Olympic sport of it, and she would take the gold. Every time.

I decided to just awkwardly wave at everyone and pretend that I managed to catch all their names. If I talked to them, I'm sure it would come up in conversation at some point.

"So, Bella, I hear you're from Phoenix," one of the boys said. He has spiky blonde hair and blue eyes, and something about him gave me an "eager to please" vibe. _More like desperate_, the cynical part of me thought, but I pushed aside any snide feelings and attempted a smile.

"That's right."

One of the girls, tan and blonde and covered head-to-foot in nauseating pink, bristled. "Isn't Arizona all, like, sunny? Shouldn't you be tanned?"

I raised an eyebrow. The harsh, rude way she said it made me think she didn't like me much. _Good, it's a mutual feeling._

"I built myself a mud-hut in the desert and managed to keep out of the damaging rays," I replied sarcastically, yet from the look on the girl's face, she didn't hear sarcasm much. "I could have gotten sunburn or something. Spray-tanning is so much safer, wouldn't you agree?"

Alright, I was rude. At least I lasted until lunch before the snide comments began.

She scoffed, but rolled her eyes and said, "Whatever."

"So," Jessica said loudly, obviously trying to break up our bickering before a real fight could start. "Where's your lunch, Bella? Aren't you hungry?"

"Ah, no," I said. "I don't eat lunch."

"Why?" the blonde girl demanded. "Are you, like, anorexic or something? 'Cause that's not good for you, you know."

"Lauren," Jessica hissed. "You can't just ask someone if they're anorexic. It's rude."

"I'm not anorexic," I said. "I haven't eaten lunch in school since I was a freshman. I got used to not eating."

"Why?" another girl asked. She was pale with dark brown hair, and seemed pretty in a bookish way. I could tell she was the shy one in the group from her hunched shoulders and nervous expression, but her curiosity must have gotten the better of her.

I smiled. I used to be shy, before I got in with the popular girls, so I knew how she must feel.

I leaned forward onto the table conspiratorially. "Believe it or not," I said, "I used to be a _cheerleader_." I pretended to gag mockingly, and sat back up.

"No way," Jessica said, obviously fascinated. "But you're so…" She bit her lip.

"Emo?" I said, with a small laugh. "I didn't used to be. I hung out with all the popular rich girls who spent all their time shopping and scoping out boys. All my friends were cheerleaders, so I figured I'd give it a try. I was hopeless at it - I'm a total klutz - but for some reason they kept me on the squad anyway. We used to practice on lunches, which meant we didn't eat. I got used to it."

"So you used to be a cheerleader," the blonde boy said. "Wow. What happened?"

I shrugged. "It wasn't me," I said. I wasn't about to tell a bunch of practical strangers that my mom died and I became depressed.

Lunch was pretty uneventful after that. I learned that the blonde boy was Mike, and the shy girl was Angela. The boy next to her was Ben - dark hair, nondescript features. Not to say that he wasn't attractive, but he wasn't blatantly so. I kept seeing him glance at Angela, and wondered if she knew that he liked her. The dark-skinned boy next to Lauren was Tyler, and apparently he was the local man-whore. I can't even count the number of times he hit on me, and the number of times I gently rejected him in return. The Asian boy next to Mike was Eric, and he was a bit of a nerd, and almost as overeager as his friend.

I also learned an interesting thing about Jessica - she was all over Mike. She constantly complimented him, hung on his every word, and blatantly stared at him when he wasn't looking. It would have been cute - if Mike had any clue. But, unfortunately, he decided that I would be the object of his attentions for today.

There was only about five minutes left of lunch when Lauren suddenly went pin-straight in her seat. "Oh my God, he's coming. Quick, does my hair look okay?"

The question was directed at Jessica, who frantically responded, "Does mine?"

The boys at the table rolled their eyes. "Can't you girls just give it a rest?" Mike said. "He's obviously not interested."

"He will be," Lauren said stubbornly, primping herself. She reminded me of a peacock. "He just doesn't realize what he's missing out on."

"Who are we talking about here?" I asked impatiently. I hate being out of the loop.

Jessica turned to me, and there was a slightly dreamy look on her face. "His name is Edward Cullen," she said. "He's gorgeous, of course. All the Cullens are. But they're all adopted, so they're all like inter-dating, which is kind of weird. But Edward is the only single one out of all five of them, and he's never had a girlfriend for as long as he's been at this school. Some people think he's gay, but he doesn't walk or talk or act like a gay person at all. Apparently he's just too good for any of the girls here."

Just then he passed by, and it took all my restraint to keep my jaw from dropping.

Of course he was gorgeous. She said he would be. But, as it turns out, Jessica isn't very good at describing people, because from my angle, he was absolutely _beautiful_. He was tall and almost as pale as I was, with a lean - but not scrawny - build. His hair was brown and had almost orange undertones to it, which made it look like a coppery colour. It was artfully dishevelled, and he could have given hair models tips on how to do it. He had chiselled features, and every inch of him seemed directly proportionate to the next, so that he looked almost…well, _perfect._

That moment he glanced over at me, and for a brief second his emerald eyes burned into mine, leaving me breathless. _Breathe, Bella_, I scolded myself. _You won't go letting any boy have advantage over you._

But for some reason I couldn't look away from him until his eyes left mine. It was like being released from an iron grip, and suddenly I could breathe again. It was relieving, in a way. His gaze was dangerously invasive, as if he could see into my soul, and I wasn't ready to trust anyone with that part of me yet.

"I don't see what the fuss is about," I said nonchalantly, though my heart was still racing. "He's just a boy."

Jessica turned to me, shocked. "Did you _see_ him? He's the embodiment of perfection!"

Ah. _That_ was a more accurate description.

I shrugged. "Sure, he's attractive, but do you even know what he's really like? What if he's a jerk?"

"Finally, a mind of reason among the female species," Eric said.

"To be honest, I agree with Bella," Angela said. "I mean, maybe he's never had a girlfriend because he's not a very nice person? You shouldn't judge people based on appearance."

"You haven't had many boyfriends either, Angela," Lauren said. "Is that because _you're_ mean?"

Angela closed her mouth abruptly and blushed. If I wasn't who I am, I wouldn't have noticed the hurt in her eyes. She was almost as adept at hiding her inner feelings as I was.

"Not cool, Lauren," I said. "Did no one ever teach you manners? Or tact? Or do you purposely embarrass and hurt people just to feel good about yourself?"

Her expression turned cold. "You don't know me, okay?"

I smiled, but not in a friendly way. "Well, that's why I'm asking. I'm trying to understand how someone could be such a _bitch_ to her own friends."

She gasped. "I don't need to take this from an ugly, weird goth girl!" she huffed, then stalked off to another table.

I whistled. "Well, _someone_ has a temper," I muttered.

I looked up at the rest of the table. Some of the people looked shocked. I realized then that Lauren was their friend, and I was just the weird new girl. If it came to choosing between, they probably wouldn't pick me.

"I'm sorry, guys," I said. "I know she's your friend and everything, but she was practically begging me to bitch her out. If you want me to sit somewhere else, that's fine…"

"Are you kidding?" Mike said. "I'm glad someone had the guts to tell her. That girl needs a reality check. This isn't Beverly Hills, but if it were, I think we're a bit more _Beverly Hillbillies _than _90210_, and that's just unacceptable for Lauren's tastes."

Everyone laughed, and I thought maybe, just maybe, I could grow to like these people.

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**So, what did you think? Please give me your feedback. I love reviews, they inspire me to keep going, so please review? Thanks.**

**Love and a penguin hat,**

**Ahhlexaa :3**


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